GLEANINGS VI

From the Journals of Denton Welch.


                                           "It is quite true that a general unwillingness to appreciate robs most people of their eyes, nose, mouth, ears, limbs." (January 1946)


                                         "I know tonight  that it is best for me to be alone most of the time - near people who wish me well and like to see me, but alone; for in loneness everything seems to grow into its proper place and there is hardly any waste of spirit." (May 1946)


                                          "Yet it is most important to have people near one that one need hardly see...One's strength is not enough to bear this with no other help near." (May 1946)



                                         "I do not think that people want love most, they need the settled reverie, the calm testing and tasting of their past and the world's past.
I am talking about "people" when I mean "me"." (May 1946)


                                      

CHRISTMAS 2016

                                                   CHRISTUS NATUS EST

GLEANINGS V

FROM THE JOURNALS OF DENTON WELCH


                                "Then in the morning I was feverish, and the next day I was sick very often."

                                  "I was empty inside even before I began being sick...."

                                   (October, 1945)
                                                                     ****                       

                               "What has happened to my heart tonight? It could eat up all the world."

                                "Sweeps of piercing sadness came over me I was lost in the dark world, in the lighted streets alone, waiting to die..."

                                "When I go back into formless days, feel stifles withy my lack of ability, feel that everything is smeared and smudged, I have the vision of true madness."

                                       (October 1945)

"I have brought nothing to this book of all the days that have melted away."

                      (November 1945)

GLEANINGS IV

FROM THE JOURNALS OF DENTON WELCH

                     "It seemed like going back top other years before the war. I felt that other me again - it was there, hiding under the surface - the circumstances recreated, and the old person leaps out as if from hiding, And one feels very sad thinking of all the past selfs that are waiting to leap out and are shut away probably forever." (July 1945)

                     "Today nothing grows out of my heart, nothing comes." (August 1945)


                      "...I said, determined to stay the night, determined to be made welcome, to reap the benefits of their comfortable home, to have a new experience, not always to miss new happenings and surroundings because of timidity and other people's dried, dead hearts." (September 1945)

                
                       "All stillness in the room, only the arch of gray light from the gothic window living across the polished floor and the end of the bed. Moment that can never be made again, only known in years afterwards." (September 1945)

GLEANINGS III

                                "In the Sidney chapel, the importasnt tombs somehow deserted and not considered anymore. A feeling of pastness and dulled memory, no kindling." (October 1944)


                               "I thought that all I really wanted was to be alone, to think and to dream in a daze about work I shall do." (November, 1944)


                                "I lived young alone, secret in my room." (January 1945)


                                "The river sirens hooted, the trams far away sparked and rocked down to Woolwich. I was lost in my own world, with no one to speak to." (January 1945)

GLEANINGS II

From the Journals of Denton Welch -

                     "We both felt then, I think, how doomed we were, how doomed everyone was. We saw very clearly the plain tragedy of our lives and of everybody's. A year after a year after a year passes and then you look back and your sadness pierces you. We were very sad from the drink, and clear-sighted..." (1944)


                       "Again I felt nothing but all the sadness and parting and dying and diseases in the world. All the accidents and hate and the long, long everlasting going-on-ness of it all..." (1944)

                    "When you long with all your heart for someone to love you, a madness grows there that shakes all sense from the trees and the water and the earth. And nothing lives for you, except the long bitter want. And this is what everyone feels from birt5h to death." (1944)

                      "An eternal moment always dissolving which will yet re-occur a thousand, thousand times to a thousand, thousand other people when we are dead, who will look out in the same way through the window in their heads and see the falling rain, the bracken, the pattern of the oak bark, and w2onder, and go on wondering for years." (September 1944)

MY READING

CURRENTLY READING
OR RE-READING

"If reading is one of the pleasures - and necessities - of youth, rereading is one of the pleasures - and necessities  - of age..." Julian Barnes

                                                              **********


Richard Brome - The Sparagus Garden: A Comedie

Denton Welch - Journals

Stefan Zweig - The Governess and Other Stories

ENGLAND JOURNAL VIII

Yesterday left Ely on the 12:25 to King's Cross. As we could not be at our Heathrow lounge until 3:45 we stoppe3de for a lite bite at Prezzo at the Station. Bit of a rip off as they brought Janet the wrong item at 2sx the cost of what she had ordered.

Let station and I stupidly decided to take a cab to Paddington whereas we should have simply taken the district line. As it was we were in traffic and arrived at Paddington later than we had hoped. On top of this cab ripped us off. Waiting to leave the station and our car was sitting behind another in the cue and our driver started his meter running up a fare of two pounds eighty before we moved an inch. Needless to say I did not tip him at the end.

Airport check in and security fine. Got to our lounge which was very full but managed to finds seats and a table. Had a drink and snack. Boarded with not hassle. Flight was troubled by turbulence for about a third of the time in the air. Service was disrupted and never resumed  to my satisfaction. Never git my brandy or coffee. Main meal was very good but all else sucked as only BA can manage at times. They provide such a hit or miss service. I frankly expect better in WT. Plane was very full indeed.

A we were a late flight arriving at Logan entry was fairly easy - no long queues. Got to our car and driver easily and arrived home tired. Our cat was at the door to greet us. He seemed pleased to see us.

And so ends the England Journal.

NOW BACK TO THE STATES AND THE TRUMP FREEK SHOW!

ENGLAND JOURNAL VII

Up early today. Got a quick coffee at Club then car to Kings Cross. Collected tickets and on the 10:05 to Ely. Had to change at Cambridge but arrived in good time. Lunch and visit with SC and CC. Talked books. Gave CC the RS remarks and the catalogue I did for the "Corrogatio Nugarum " exhibition at COV. Got complement form CC on typography which chuffed me.

Had to sort out meeting up with CH and JG at Cathedral for 1st Advent Sunday service. As it turned they came to us and SC & CC for tea.

We then marched off to Ely Cathedral and settled into our designated seats.

Service was lovely and the music quite good. As part of the service we held candles. Lots of wax spilled on trousers etc.! Towards the end of the service Janet managed to set her candle wax guard on fire. It was a comic scene her frantically trying top blow it out to no end! Finally told her to throw it on the ground and stomp on it. She did and the disaster of burning down Ely Cathedral narrowly avoided.

After service off The Lamb with CH and JG for some supper. Good time and decent food but for CH's steak which he felt was "off". We were not charged  for it so that was OK.

Waked back to SC and CC house where we are staying.

And so to bed.

London tomorrow and flight to Boston.


ADDENDUM-

Ely Cathedral - Last Night

ENGLAND JOURNAL VI

Cloudy bright day. Was to meet godson HR for burger in Hammersmith. However still feeling very punk - cramps all night. This bug, whatever it is still has not passed off. General soreness and fatigue.

Jen off to Fortnum's then to meet NR in Kensington. I am staying in trying to recover. We are off to Ely tomorrow and don't wish to be this unwell. I shall soft peddle food today - eat very light. Last night's meal may have been too much for my system.

I do love the library here - I often work in the "silence library' - quiet, and clam atmosphere.

The Silence Library at O&C LONDON

There is a very elderly and frail gentleman I see around the club at weekends. I first encounter him in the morning bar having a coffee and reading a paper - this morning it was the FT. I also see him in the library and later in the day in the drawing room having an early tea.

I suspect the club is his haunt, particularly on weekends. Likely he has no family or not much family and the club is a life for him. I could think of worse ways to spend my declining years.

So last dinner at Club tonight. Bar populated by some at times typical colonial yobs - Oxford clearly. they can afford the fees but have none of the required poise or sophistication.

In the dining room a mixed crowed - some very polished Italians and then the provincial couple in from the provinces for some shopping and dinner at the club - the slightly overweight and not entirely attractive daughter in tow...

And so ends the visit to the O&C.

ENGLAND JOURNAL V

After a late night at dinner art CH's a late lazy morning sleeping in. Up at 10. Washed and dressed and out to café - St James - on Pall Mall. Had coffee then off to underground to Leicester Sq. This a big waste and mistake. In the time it takes to walk to Green Park Underground could have easily walked to Leicester Sq. Once there to Cecil Court to Patere3 Ellis books to pick up the Prynne book I had purchased in September. A very nice copy of his 1972 poems titled "Into The Day".

Poked about Cecil Court for a bit then walked back along Pall Mall to Club. Stopped here to drop our clobber and get a light lunch in the Bloomfield Room.

Refreshed we headed out to do errands at Fortnum's (tea for home) and Gift for Kat. I headed to Hatchard's whilst leaving Janet in the crush at Fortnum's. We meet up at the bookshop and walked towards Club to Berry Brothers. There I bought a btl. of a 2003 Sauterne as a gift for CC and SC. for when we go up to Ely Sunday.

We have tickets for the Picasso exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery for 6:30. Will have tea here then head to Gallery. Back here for a late dinner.

LATER

Exhibition was good. Not packed out which was the best feature.  I liked the early things but find it difficult to relate to his later portraits. I simply don't have the astatic to appreciate this art,

So walk back to club, change for dinner and dinner in Coffee Room - same menu as Wednesday. Had the duck and a wonderful bottle of Ch, Poujeaux 2000!

Club seems to have lost our laundry - but they promise to have it back by tomorrow morning. We shall see.

ENGLAND IV - SICKNESS STRIKES

BEING ILL


After spending an evening where I became increasingly crampy - got up to use bathroom and had loose BM. Came back to bed but got very nauseous. Threw up a bit. Back to bed but up over next few hours with cramps.  Feeling weak and light headed. Not at all well. Wondering if this due to scallops last evening - possible I suppose...

No Thanksgiving lunch - spent day in bed trying to recover. Finally by 5 felt well enough to go to tea and think about going to CH for dinner in Islington. Got car and went to CH. Survived by eating little and not having too much drink.

JG and RB at dinner. Amusing and fun as usual. Wines as usual also very good.

Mini cab back to club as I could not book Addison Lee -

Tomorrow to Peter Ellis to pick up book and run other errands.

ENGLAND JOURNAL III

PICTURES - London - Club Dinner

PM - Dinner at O&C tonight with SA, who I mentored and her BF JI. Both charming kids. She seems to have settled in at Imperial. Nice chat about past days at Harvard and research she is interested in.

ROH FOR MANON LESCAUT
YESTERDAY EVENING

HAMMERSMITH BRIDGE - LUNCH ALONG RIVER
WITH JR AND PO at The Dove

ENGLAND JOURNAL II

22-11  Full day today.

Out early for a coffee and roll at our favourite café on Pall Mall. Then to Trickers to drop off shoes for repair. Then to New and Lingwood for new collar. Used my Nat West Debit card to pay but clerk showed me it could be used as a "contactless" card. A revelation to me.

Off to Quaritch for 11:30 - lunch with Barbara and will drop off exhibition catalogues as gifts.

Tea with Chris at 4 at O&C then dinner and opera (Manon Lescaut).

Weather has cleared some. There is actual sun out there! Hope it holds for a while.

CONTINUED:

Had a tea about 4:30 then car to ROH. Well in time for dinner at Crush Bar. Hardly anyone Apparently many ppl just order something for the interval as was full then. This a superb venue especially if one has tickets in stall circles. Easy access, coat check not crowded as the one near Floral Hall. Only negative is men's rooms miles away! If you have to have a slash during interval time is an issue.

But the cold supper and wine were perfection as was the opera despite all the negative comment from friends about the staging, Band was excellent and the voices really great! A superb evening over all.

Took a car to the hall but underground back. Found the station easily only negative was a stupid cow of a young bitch who soldered me out of the way on my blind side! It seems Americans are not the only rude yobs!!!

Back to O&C and stopped at bar for  Cognac.

Now to bed. Need to meet JR and PO (and his wife) for lunch. Was to be a sausage fest but for PO's including his wife. Ah well...

ENGLAND JOURNAL - I

20th - Left early for Meldreth. Missed connection at Stevenage due to engineering works! Managed to get connection to Royston. JG collected us at Royston.

His light lunch turned out not to be so light - fois gras with sauterne, slow cooked lamb, potatoes and veg, treacle tart to end. Nice claret with the lamb..

JG kindly drove us to Cambridge. Left at the hotel (Former Garden House) where J realized she had left a bag in John's car. John contacted and brought bag back - all well.

Dressed and arrived at Chapel in good time for the comm. service. Found it very moving as usual especially the use of the old prayer book language.  Sermon was frankly not much.

Big group - Champers in combination rooms a bit of a crush. Then into Hall for dinner. Sung grace by choir. Sat next Casey for dinner. Had not seen in in some time. Talked over past and then politics.

Dinner very good and wines, as usual, of the best especially the white with fish course and the claret for the beef.

More later - must get ready to meet JR for dinner at Lord's.

21st.

Weather has been gray. wet. cold and miserable.

Got an earlier train form Cambridge  to London and doing errand at Bank and purchasing replacement scarf for Caius Scarf stolen from cloak room at Union Club.

Once back at Club had cup of tea and buttered bun. Good refreshing option.

JR here at 4:30. Had quick drink then car to Lord's. At first could not book ADLEE but sorted it out eventually and got to Lord's in good time. Drinks and dinner quite nice - Lancashire Hot pot.  JR, myself and Paul and Andy. Andy was up at john's and read Hx. Was supervised by Abulafia,  Talk was of  cricket, Cambridge and politics (not too much political discourse). Taxi with JR back to Club. Dropped JR at Green Park.

Janet and I went to morning bar for a coffee and I had a brandy.

Tomorrow to Qs and two small errands - drop off shoes for repair and buy wing collar at New and Lingwood.

Dinner and Opera at ROH in evening. But CH to tea at 4,

BY THE WATERS OF BREXIT I SAT DOWN AND WEPT

                                      OFF TO OLD BLIGHTY AND A VISIT TO CAIUS

THE START OF THE VISIT...

Flight tomorrow AM - Boston to London

Sunday train to Meldreth and lunch with JG

Drive to Cambridge and Commemoration Feast at College.

Monday breckers with GT in Cambridge and train to London.

POLITICAL DISCOURSE

ITS NOT SO MUCH A TRUMP ADMINISTRATION AS A TRUMP FREAK SHOW

         SEEMS AS IF THE ONY PEOPLE WILLING TO WORK FOR HIM ARE A BUNCH OF

                                             FAILURES REJECTS RACISTS

                                                  AND AN ISLAMAPHOBE

A - D - A VERSA EST IN LUCTUM CITHARA MEA, ET CANTUS MEUS IN VOCEM FLENTIUM

8 NOVEMBER 2016

ASHAMED

DEPRESSED

AFRAID

Once to every man and nation comes the moment to decide,

In the strife of Truth with Falsehood, for the good or evil side;

Some great cause, God’s new Messiah, offering each the bloom or blight,

Parts the goats upon the left hand, and the sheep upon the right,

And the choice goes by forever ’twixt that darkness and that light.

Hast thou chosen, O my people, on whose party thou shalt stand,

Ere the Doom from its worn sandals shakes the dust against our land?

Though the cause of Evil prosper, yet ’tis Truth alone is strong,

And, albeit she wander outcast now, I see around her throng

Troops of beautiful, tall angels, to enshield her from all wrong. J, R. Lowell          TRUE FOR TRUMP - TRUE FOR BREXIT

Phrases et Mots Français

                            FRENCH WORDS AND PHRASES I LIKE

Business Man – l’homme d’affaries

Method of operation   - mode d’emploi

Distinguished man – eminence gris

Legibility – lisibileté

The story – L’histoire

Car – voiture

Match – allumette

Pour my heart in you – couler mon coeur en vous...

                 BELIEF - Croyance


                              PLUS DE MOTS


The Right Word - Le mot juste

Behind  - derrière  (I like  sound)

Oblivion - L'oubli

Réflexions de Modiano

THE BLACK NOTEBOOK



"Do we have the right to judge the people we love? If we love them , it's for a reason, and that reason prevents us from judging them --- doesn't it?"

GLEENINGS - MODIANO

"the way we tend not to write down the most intimate details of our lives, for fear that, once fixed on paper, they'll no longer be ours."


"The past? No, it's not about the past, but about episodes in a timeless, idealized life, which I wrest page by page from my drab current existence to give it some light and shadow."


"Everything blends together, as in that empty room where, every night, a light shines."


"It has taken me almost an entire lifetime to return to my point of departure."


" 'We counted for so little in his life.' "

NANTUCKET - FLOTSAM

ROCKS AND SHELLS

LIVRES

"LE LIVRES SONT MES COMPAGNONS ET LA JOIE DE MY VIE."

THOUGHTS GLEANED FROM WALTER BENJAMIN - II

Benjamin Notebook

"...a doleful song streamed from forth from his mouth, reverberating from the mountain with a thousand sobs. 'Red of the morning, red of the morning lights the path to an early death.'"

"Morgenrot, Morgenrot, leuchtest mir zum fruhenmTod"

The Hypochondriac in the Landscape...

THOUGHTS GLEANED FROM WALTER BENJAMIN

"Healthy people must turn to the books of poets in order to feel life in all the deep and undivided sovereignty that cannot be grasped intentionally, to feel as it was felt..."

NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS II

DEATH IS NOT AN ENDING BUT ANOTHER BEGINNING

THRENODY FOR A LOVE

                                                             I've been in love so long
                                                             With what I cannot tell
                                                             Yet I will contrive a song
                                                              For the intangible-
                                                              That has no mold or shape
                                                              From which there is no escape

                                                               This love a moment known
                                                               And in a moment gone
                                                               Is like the happy doe
                                                               That keeps it perfect laws
                                                               Between the tiger's paws
                                                              And vindicates its cause.

WORDS - PAROLES - PAROLE

WORDS I ABHORE

                                  Segway

                                 Rising (Rising Junior)

                                 Trending (Trending now)

YOUNG TO OLD

                                                  
                                                      Youth is a time to acquire

                                               Middle age is a time to consolidate

          Old age is a time to discard

Poèmes de Junesse

Mutability

Mixed amongst the earth’s age sand

Along a Northern beach

Are fragments of another time

Once Possessors of this land

Whose blue tinged Canton ware?

Given in love?

Possessed in pride?

Now lies along the lonely strand?

Perhaps they sleep

In the churchyard

Beyond the beach

A Whipple, a Haskel, a Poole, or a Tarr?

They keep their silence also

Their secrets of their shattered life's vessels

As the shattered pottery

Scattered by the immutable sea.

BORN OF A SENSE OF PLACE

A New England coast is;

Salt and granite

Sometimes soft but never constant

A New England heart is;

born like others.

But conditioned by a sebnse of place.

A New England sea is;

Always grasping, life and land.

Seldom giving, always asking.

A New England love is;

Closely held, too much moisture mixed with coldness.

Consuming passion to feed its’ need.

A New England life is;

seeking sea room.

Racing for its’ gray slate end.

NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS

"Life is merely passing time and the desire to be loved".

F. Bologna

"Live every day of your life as if it was the last - and someday you'll be right".

w. Allen

NOCTURNAL LUCUBRATIONS - I

      "Sunday nights leave strange memories, like brief interludes of     nothingness in our lives..."

  Modiano - Paris Nocturne

REFELECTION ON ALL HAS CHANGED...

"Everything has changed. He did not love her, nor did he hate her. He did not even want her, as he had at the beginning...What was she to him, now. A fragile legend, a decapitated Venus. That was what she was. An elegant way to say that she had become - simply, odiously and irredeemably - of no more interest to him than the rest of the human race"

The Parrots - Filippo Bologna

"He had left her as it was right to leave her, as you should get rid of the past when you realize it is the past..."

The Parrots - Filippo Bologna

REMEMBERED PAST - IMAGES - NO PARTICULAR ORDER OF PLACE OR TIME

Cranes beach - Ipswich
Summer Love

Blue Heron - Old mill pond Rockport MA

Post Prandial Libation - Rialto

Ely Cathedral

Marsh at Essex MA

Erudite Cat

Sailing Sandy Bay Rockport

The "Bitch" being useful!

Looking Innocent

London from my Club Room at O&C

Excellent Libations - Sdecar

Old Lovers

"He smelled of cigarettes and whisky - the smell of youth and Cambridge"

Flirting

King's Chapel Cambridge from the river

Ely Cathedral at dusk

Most sexy - Seductress

Brandy - The drink of MEN

Farwell at Houghton - Harvard

Lord's - Varsity Cricket Match

Books do furnish a room

Winning Colours - Lent Boat

The Scholar

Boathouse on the Charles River - Cambridge