VIGNETTE - HOWARD'S STORY - FIRST REAL LOVE?

                                                                Howard’s Story  as told to me:

me: Ta - So where did you meet Howard - at theater stuff?

Julie: yes met him at the Westport Playhouse

 me: That is what i thought is that where you met Dylan also

 Julie: yes but Dylan worked there

 me: but you were in HS right Howard did not work there?

 Julie: no was just passing through

 me: and you happened to bump into him?

 Julie: sort of

 me: Oh hello who might you be??? tell me story.

 Julie: well - it was a Sunday show

 me: yes

 Julie: and every Sunday they did music

 me: ok

Julie: and that particular Sunday it was Preservation Hall Jazz band and the director of the playhouse asked any of the apprentices if they wanted to come in Sunday and work, bc technically we had Sunday off so i volunteered and they put me doing the lights for the show

me: oh i see

 Julie: so then Howard was their stage manager and had to talk to me about the lights

  so he comes back stage and he yelled "so who is doing the lights?"  and i come out of the corner and was like "umm me"

 me: um yes and talked about more then lights i suspect

 Julie: and we just talked the whole night

 me: yes

 Julie: that was it. and we connected through email and stuff. And then right as he left he called me and we talked for like an hour and we just talked

 me: so when were you with him - after summer

 Julie: well

 me: yes?

 Julie: it was towards the end of the summer

 me: in CT?

 Julie: he was traveling a lot.  So i hardly saw him. But we talked for 3 years

 me: yes

Julie: and i saw him about 8 times maybe

 me: was this an intense relationship like this was about love - real love

 Julie: yes he was my first love

 me: true love?

 Julie: yes  first true love

 me: you really fell

 Julie: yes i fell hard

 me: like committed

Julie: yes - did not cheat on him except with VT boy who took my virginity - but i told him about him

 me: yes he was older than you right

 Julie: yes he was 28 when i met him

 me: you were 18 that summer

 Julie: i was 17

 me: when you met

 Julie: yes

 me: ok 17 when you met so when did he and you get to first make love to each other

Julie: wait i might have been 16 summer of 2002

 me: oh like baby and he 28

 Julie: ok i was 16. We had sex when i was 18

 me: yes an that is summer you met him

Julie: or i may have been 19

 me: but he goes away so when did you first make love to him and where

 Julie: it was at his hotel in NYC downtown east village

 me: 2002 you were not 19

 Julie: 2002 i met him.  i had sex with him when i was a freshman in college

 me: when in relation to summer

Julie: so that was 2005

 me: so several yrs later

 Julie: yes

 me: like 3 years

 Julie: yes

 me: at 19 and He was 31.

 Julie: it was February

 me: right had already done ski boy sort of

 Julie: yes

me: and is Collin around now

Julie: um yes and no i think I fucked him just after

 me: kk no matter.   Collin you did not have an intense love for

 Julie: no he was nice. But it was just that he was cool and stuff but not BF material

 me: So 2002 you meet Howard in Ct

 Julie: yes

 me: You immediately fall in love

 Julie: yes

 me: You keep in touch for 3 years

 Julie: yes

 me: till 2005 year after you graduate HS

Julie: end of my freshman year in college. i graduated HS in 2004

 me: You have lost virginity earlier

 Julie: yes lost virginity the December i was a senior in High school

 me: yes 2005 is year after yes 2004.  So in 2005 you finally come together with Howard whom you love intensely

 Julie: yes

 me: and you meet him in hotel in NYC

 Julie: yes

 me: you want him badly does he make first move or do you

 Julie:  we both knew it was going to happen we had dinner before

  me: ok so you and he arrange ot meet each other in NYC in Feb 2005 - after keeping in touch by email etc

And he takes you to dinner right

 Julie: it wasn’t like the first time we were meeting i saw him times before but we never did it or did anything

 me: ok

 Julie: yes i meet him at a restaurant

 me: so now feelings have grown more intense

Julie: yes

 me: and had you made up your mind to have sex with him this time

 Julie: oh yes i brought condoms and all

 me: wow Ok so you really wanted this

 Julie: yes

 me: hum  ok. so did you explicitly say anything to him

 Julie: not really. i don’t remember

 me: ok so you do go back to hotel

 Julie: yes

 me: and enter room then what

Julie: i told him i brought condoms and he laughed

 me: did he take you in his arms and kiss you

 Julie: and then he showed me the view in the room

 me: what?????????? ok

 Julie: and then we made out

 me: on sofa or bed

 Julie: on bed we had a small room

 me: kk so did he like start to strip you some shirt bra etc

 Julie: it was mutual nothing special

 me: you took his clothes off first

 Julie: i don’t remember

Julie: i think we helped each other

 me: ok so did you like take his underpants off or did he

 Julie: i think i took them down

 me: and did you take his prick in your mouth then

 Julie: maybe

 me: and suck on him

 Julie: i really don’t remember everything

 me: maybe? Ok. and he goes between your legs

Julie: yes

me: and panties are off by now

 Julie: he ate me out first

 me: yes

 Julie: i had a thong on

 me: and you were like totally over the top. did he take thong off of you

 Julie: yes

me: better that anything you have ever experienced

 Julie: it was ok

 me: and you felt really good

 Julie: i was still tight

 me: good

 Julie: i was mostly nervous

 me: your hole  oh ok but liked it and him'

 Julie: i didn’t really have anything to compare it to.  Yes liked it and him

me: and did he nibble your clit

 Julie: umm not sure

 me: and tongue fuck you

 Julie: don’t think he did that. i think he just licked

 me: so he must be really hard by now did you put condom on him

 Julie: yes  yes

 me: and then he gets between your legs (did he lift them up?)

 Julie: no he did not do that

1me: oh but you were very wet

 Julie: i don’t remember at that time i did not know a girl gets wet

 me: and he put his prick inside you - slowly or one thrust

Julie: slow

 me: and felt ok

 Julie: it hurt

 me: oh

 Julie: but was ok I knew it would. i was technically a virgin [sic]

 me: only had done it hat once with ski guy???

 Julie: yes only had done it once

 me: so does he go slowly or fast in and out of you? Does it get more comfortable?

 Julie: he does it slowly

 me: um and for you this is a pretty defining moment BC this is someone you love it is not some experiment

 Julie: ha the band is playing the 27th of March at Symphony Hall

me: what????? his

 Julie: and at the Blue Note in NYC right after that

 me: wait are we still in middle of the fuck or what

 Julie: hahah ok fine. it was slow. he knew what he was dealing with

me: you

 Julie: as he was climaxing he went a little faster it was good but it hurt me

 me: is he making you happy Julz

 Julie: bc i was way tight -  yes he made me happy. i was still nervous around him

 me: yes did he take long tome to cum - was it too long for you

 Julie: no was not too long

1me: so after he came what? did he hold you tight

 Julie: yes we cuddled

 me: did you sleep

Julie: yes

 me: and did you stay the night

 Julie: yes

 me: and you did it many times

 Julie: i had a dorm so did not have to answer to mommy.  um no. then in the morning

 me: yes  what in the morning

 Julie: we did it again

 me: only twice

 Julie: ya

me: did he try and fuck your ass?

Julie: yes

me: did he then?

Julie: no did not work

 me: um did you blow him that night -  bj

 Julie: um i think i just sucked him but he did not cum that way

 me: only inside you

 Julie: yes

me: so you must have been so so happy and content you had consummated with your lover - with someone you really really loved very deeply

Julie: yes

 me: when did you do it again?

 Julie: what do you mean?

 me: did you see much of him now? after this night and morning when did you tow hook up again for sex

 Julie: no we broke up

 me: was he in town

  WHAT????  only after this

 Julie: yes he we talked for like a week then did not hear from him

 me: yes for 3 months

 Julie: yes

 me: oh so sorry so what were you thinking feeling

 Julie: he would have called me and made an effort i probably would not have started with Eli (much older chap she took up with after Howard )

 me: yes

Julie: that he was a shit. i hated him. Could not reach him. and i called 3 times

 me: at all

 Julie: and i said that i would not call anymore until he called me

 me: did you have cell for him

  Julie: and he didn’t call me until like July

 me: and what did he say then

 Julie: like nothing happened

me: really

 Julie: then i called him out on it

 me: no excuse

 Julie: and he said that he wanted me to explore college and people my own age, which was why he did not call me. but this was all bull shit. bc when he called me he wanted to get back together. but he hurt me too much i never felt the same for him ever

me: kk. ok lets drop this one

 Julie: its ok then when Hurricane Katrina hit he lost some of his stuff but not all and the band was traveling to raise money bc they couldn’t go back bc no one would go to their shows so they came to NYC and the trip before that the planes lost all their luggage so Howard called and asked if he could stay with me bc they didn’t book hotels for anyone. and i said sure. and we slept in the same bed but i did not touch him he tried to with me. but i would not let him near me. i was disgusted. I ended up sleeping on the floor bc he wouldn’t stop touching me

Julie: i mean i think he had good intentions and i don’t think he meant to hurt me but it was just the way he presented it that was wrong

 Julie: yes we talked about it too whatever it is dead and gone

 Julie:  bc he wanted me to get through school. but we did talk about it

  and living together and having to deal with him traveling

SADLY THE STORY SHE TOLD ME HERE WAS NOT UNTYPICAL OF HER MANY FUTILE RELATIONSHIPS - I OFTEN WONDERED WHERE THE FAULT LAY - IN HER OR THE OTHER...

CAMBRIDGE STORY CONTINUED...

PREVIOUSLY:

Settled with a cup of nice china black came a knocking at his door and Shawn burst in.
“Where is my tea and toast little one”?
“Tea is on the table pour yourself a cup and you might be a useful guest and put in two pieces of toast for us”!
“Demanding aren’t we you little bugger”!
“I’m not the bugger – you are Shawn remember who seduced me”.
“Ha yes – and like you were unwilling to be taken advantage of…”
“Well I am now – and don’t forget it so please make the toast”.
“Yes, yes - oh mighty master…”

Shawn poured his tea and took two slices of the bread that Peter had cut and popped them into the toaster.  As he was pouring milk into his tea he noticed the heavy cream coloured envelope on the table near the teapot.

“And prey what might this be? A billet-doux perhaps from the fair Claire?” Shawn asked as he held up the envelope.
 
“It’s a cream coloured envelope – Shawn as you can well see’.
“And pray what might this ‘cream coloured envelope’ contain”?
“Precisely none of your business and as it hasn’t been opened how would I know what it contains”?
“So then Peter might it not be best to crack it open to see what surprise it might contain?”
“Perhaps I shall when you finish your tea and toast and depart”.

Just then the toast popped up and both Peter and Shawn set about buttering toast and applying liberal amounts of jam. After they were well settled with tea and toast Shawn ventured to raise the question of the envelope again.

“So is this from Claire do you suppose?”
“Well since it is addressed to me and from the crest on the back appears to be from Newnham and as I don’t know many women from Newnham I suppose there is a great likelihood it might be.”
“Well then for christ’s sake why haven’t you opened it and satisfied my curiosity”?
“Because I just received it. I have no interest in satisfying your curiosity or satisfying anything else for you so don’t get any ideas.”
“And here I had this morning woody that needs attention!”
“Forget it!”
“OK – so at least open the damn envelope and share the good news”.


CONT.



Just then the toast popped up and both Leandor and Shawn set about buttering toast and applying liberal amounts of jam. After they were well settled with tea and toast Shawn ventured to raise the question of the envelope again.
“So is this from Claire do you suppose?”
“Well since it is addressed to me and from the crest on the back appears to be from Newnham and as I don’t know many women from Newnham I suppose there is a great likelihood it might be.”
“Well then for Christ’s sake why haven’t you opened it and satisfied my curiosity”?
“Because I just received it. I have no interest in satisfying your curiosity or satisfying anything else for you so don’t get any ideas.”
“And here I had this morning woody that needs attention!”
“Forget it!”
“OK – so at least open the damn envelope and share the good news”.
Leandor thought for a moment as he ran his fingers over the heavy envelope. “Oh what the hell.” He thought and reached for the paper knife he had taken from the UL. He quickly sliced open the envelope. Hesitating slightly he pulled the folded sheet from the envelope and read it.
“Well!” intoned Shawn with some irritation. “Am I going to told what it says?”
Leandor let out a sigh and read the note aloud to Shawn.
“Dear Leandor, How absolutely lovely to have your note and invitation. My father has told me everything about you. I almost feel as if I know you. I know we will be really close friends. Yes please, I would love to have dinner with you at the Garden House as you suggest. Will you come by Newnham or shall I meet you there?”
“It is signed – Affectionately, Claire with three X’s under her name!”
There was a pause and silence – Leandor could feel the tension in the room and the smoldering resentment in Shawn’s eyes. “Ugh.” He thought to himself.
“Look she is just one of those types that emote way too much for no real reason,” he said in an effort to soothe Shawn’s feelings.
“Oh really? Is that what you think Leandor?  Is that what you really get form her note?” There was an edge to Shawn’s voice but also an undertone of resignation. It was as if he could feel Leandor slipping away from him. 
Shawn said with an almost facetious tone: “I think, Leandor, that you are her next conquest! A girl like that does not have friends she has lovers and lots of them. She must be looking for a new distraction!”
“Well we shall see!” replied Leandor. “I might have something to say about that”.
They finished their toast in silence.
“More tea?” asked Shawn in a more level voice.
“Yes please.” replied Leandor. “I thought you would never ask.”
“Do you want me to add some hot water?” inquired Shawn.
“No it should have steeped a good deal and I like a good "Sargent Major’s brew.”
“And I like you despite your being stupid about this Claire bitch!”
“Oh stop already! You don’t know that she is a bitch.”
Shawn did not reply but poured Leandor’s tea. He put the pot down and proceeded to sit in Leandor’s lap and put his arms around his neck. He was there only the briefest time when he pushed off and remarked.
“Wow boy! What is this? Is it me or thinking of your dinner with the bitch giving you the woody?”
Shawn playfully grabbed Leandor’s sex through his jeans.
“Oh don’t start that please! It is only I need to have a slash and it got hard,”
“Ya sure. Well go have your slash and if that doesn’t fix it I’ll be here waiting with an alternative solution.”
Leandor got up and went out to the bathroom on the lower landing.
After relieving himself he made his was slowly up the stairs to his set. When he entered his room he saw Shawn lying back in the sofa reading the note from Claire.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it is impolite to read other people’s post?”
“Sorry mate I was just musing about the subtext. What is she saying here – really, especially given her history.”
“Since when did you become the literary scholar?”
“Since I have been reading Foucault and Derrida. You should look into them – they might help you in your courtship with the bitch.”
“Shawn! I am not courting her and you don’t know she is a bitch…”
“We or rather you will see little one. She was with Howard from John’s and frankly treated him like crap when she no longer wished to be with him. She has done this again and again to a lot of guys. I am telling you, - no warning you, Leandor, she has a reputation. What makes you think you will be different?”
“Because as I said I am not courting her, I am not in love with her, I am simply meeting her for dinner as my dad requested. I am only being polite nothing more…”
“In any case breckers is over and I need to do some reading,,, so you are free to leave.”
“Ok fine – do let me know how your first date goes.”
Leandor grabbed a pillow off the sofa and chucked it at Shawn’s head as he made his way to the door. It caught Shawn square between the shoulders.
“Nice Leandor – careful or you might find yourself over my knee and you trousers and pants at your ankles…” With that remark he left closing the door nosily behind himself.

TO BE CONTINUED