So that you will hear me
my words
***
Before you they peopled the solitude that you
occupy,
and they were more used to my sadness then you
are.
Now I want them to say what I want to say to
you
to make you to hear as I want you to hear me.
Pablo Neruda – So that You will Hear Me
14 –1-13
Claire,
I met you and he
fell in love with you. I loved you more deeply, more profoundly, more
thoroughly than I had ever loved anyone but for one other. As much as I have ever loved I loved you.
I loved you for
three years and believed that you loved me as well as I loved you. Despite the lies you told me from the
beginning and again and again; despite the stupid things you did that so hurt
me over and over again through those years – I never stopped loving you. I never
stopped caring for you. I never stopped giving to you – myself, my life, my care
and protection. When you hurt me deeply I would always return to you. When in
your bedroom that day you blurted out to me about that upcoming anniversary in
October “It’s our breakup day” and I left
you, you went after me and asked me to come back - I came back to you as
I always did. For over three years I loved you more deeply every day I was with
you
Yet in the end I
found nothing but hate lies, deception, betrayal, and falseness. As much as and
as profoundly as I loved you I now despise you and the thought of you fills me
with sheer loathing and disgust. You have made my soul a dark place and you did
not need to.
You tried to destroy me by a false and malicious accusation that you knew to be false to
hide the love we both had and my sincere affection for you from your parents,
siblings and friends. You lied so you could the sooner fuck your new friend.
You sought to put me out of your life in the cruelest fashion without any
regard to what you and I had together.
You are so
shallow and a failure at life and a failure at love. You are a broken creature and
I am now so sad I could not ultimately make you whole and heal you. I tried so very
hard with you – I gave you all I had - all I knew how to give. You took it and
finally trampled it under the foot of your shallowness, meanness, and
stupidity.
I hate you now
and will always hate you.
You are nothing but a soulless lost creature.
