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One day I found you – were you there?

              Perhaps it was your ghost I found –

I know not; but I found you fair

And love was in your lips and hair

              And in your eyes profound

 You kissed me, and you kissed me oft

-         Was it my ghost or was it me? –

Your kisses were so sweet, so soft,

The happy cherubim aloft

Adapted from Lytton Strachey

LOVE PASSION AND REGRET - AN OPEN LETTER TO JULIE

So that you will hear me

my words

***

Before you they peopled the solitude that you occupy,

and they were more used to my sadness then you are.

Now I want them to say what I want to say to you

to make you to hear as I want you to hear me.

 Pablo Neruda – So that You will Hear Me

16 –5-17

I met you and I fell in love with you. I loved you more deeply, more profoundly, more thoroughly than I had ever loved anyone but for one other.  As much as I have ever loved I loved you.

I loved you for three years and believed that you loved me as well as I loved you.  Despite the lies you told me from the beginning and again and again; despite the stupid things you did that so hurt me over and over again through those years – I never stopped loving you. I never stopped caring for you. I never stopped giving to you – myself, my life, my care and protection. When you hurt me deeply I would always return to you. When in your bedroom that day you blurted out to me about our upcoming anniversary “It’s our breakup day” and I left  you, you went after me and asked me to come back - I came back to you as I always did. For over three years I loved you more deeply every day I was with you

Yet in the end I found nothing but hate lies, deception, betrayal, and falseness. As much as and as profoundly as I loved you I now despise you and the thought of you fills me with sheer loathing and disgust. You have made my soul a dark place and you did not need to.

You tried to criminalize me by a false and malicious accusation that you knew to be false to hide the love we both had and my sincere affection for you from your parents, siblings and friends. You lied to the police so you could the sooner fuck your new friend. You sought to put me out of your life in the cruelest fashion without any regard to what you and I had together.

You are so shallow and a failure at life and a failure at love. You are a broken creature and I am now so sad I could not ultimately make you whole and heal you. I tried so very hard with you – I gave you all I had - all I knew how to give. You took it and finally trampled it under the foot of your shallowness, meanness, and stupidity.

I hate you now and will always hate you.  There are only three words to describe you:  Bitch, Liar, and Whore          

You are nothing but a soulless lost creature.

PENTACOST

Hymn

When God of old came down from heaven,

In power and wrath he came.

Before his feet the clouds were riven,

Half darkness and half flame;

But when he came the second time,

He came in power and love.

Softer than gale at morning prime

Hovered his holy Dove.

The fires that rushed on Sinai down

In sudden torrents dread,

Now gently light, a glorious crown,

On every sainted head.

And when the Spirit of our God

Came down his flock to find,

A voice from heaven was heard abroad,

A rushing, mighty wind.

It fills the Church of God, it fills

The sinful world around;

Only in stubborn hearts and wills

No place for it is found.

Come Lord, come Wisdom, Love and Power,

Open our ears to hear.

Let us not miss the accepted hour!

Save, Lord, by love or fear

John Keble, 1827