Friday 18 October 2013

VIGNETTE - HOWARD'S STORY - FIRST REAL LOVE?





                                                                Howard’s Story  as told to me:

me: Ta - So where did you meet Howard - at theater stuff?
Julie: yes met him at the Westport Playhouse
 me: That is what i thought is that where you met Dylan also
 Julie: yes but Dylan worked there
 me: but you were in HS right Howard did not work there?
 Julie: no was just passing through
 me: and you happened to bump into him?
 Julie: sort of
 me: Oh hello who might you be??? tell me story.
 Julie: well - it was a Sunday show
 me: yes
 Julie: and every Sunday they did music
 me: ok
Julie: and that particular Sunday it was Preservation Hall Jazz band and the director of the playhouse asked any of the apprentices if they wanted to come in Sunday and work, bc technically we had Sunday off so i volunteered and they put me doing the lights for the show
me: oh i see
 Julie: so then Howard was their stage manager and had to talk to me about the lights
  so he comes back stage and he yelled "so who is doing the lights?"  and i come out of the corner and was like "umm me"
 me: um yes and talked about more then lights i suspect
 Julie: and we just talked the whole night
 me: yes
 Julie: that was it. and we connected through email and stuff. And then right as he left he called me and we talked for like an hour and we just talked
 me: so when were you with him - after summer
 Julie: well
 me: yes?
 Julie: it was towards the end of the summer
 me: in CT?
 Julie: he was traveling a lot.  So i hardly saw him. But we talked for 3 years
 me: yes
Julie: and i saw him about 8 times maybe
 me: was this an intense relationship like this was about love - real love
 Julie: yes he was my first love
 me: true love?
 Julie: yes  first true love
 me: you really fell
 Julie: yes i fell hard
 me: like committed
Julie: yes - did not cheat on him except with VT boy who took my virginity - but i told him about him
 me: yes he was older than you right
 Julie: yes he was 28 when i met him
 me: you were 18 that summer
 Julie: i was 17
 me: when you met
 Julie: yes
 me: ok 17 when you met so when did he and you get to first make love to each other
Julie: wait i might have been 16 summer of 2002
 me: oh like baby and he 28
 Julie: ok i was 16. We had sex when i was 18
 me: yes an that is summer you met him
Julie: or i may have been 19
 me: but he goes away so when did you first make love to him and where
 Julie: it was at his hotel in NYC downtown east village
 me: 2002 you were not 19
 Julie: 2002 i met him.  i had sex with him when i was a freshman in college
 me: when in relation to summer
Julie: so that was 2005
 me: so several yrs later
 Julie: yes
 me: like 3 years
 Julie: yes
 me: at 19 and He was 31.
 Julie: it was February
 me: right had already done ski boy sort of
 Julie: yes
me: and is Collin around now
Julie: um yes and no i think I fucked him just after
 me: kk no matter.   Collin you did not have an intense love for
 Julie: no he was nice. But it was just that he was cool and stuff but not BF material
 me: So 2002 you meet Howard in Ct
 Julie: yes
 me: You immediately fall in love
 Julie: yes
 me: You keep in touch for 3 years
 Julie: yes
 me: till 2005 year after you graduate HS
Julie: end of my freshman year in college. i graduated HS in 2004
 me: You have lost virginity earlier
 Julie: yes lost virginity the December i was a senior in High school
 me: yes 2005 is year after yes 2004.  So in 2005 you finally come together with Howard whom you love intensely
 Julie: yes
 me: and you meet him in hotel in NYC
 Julie: yes
 me: you want him badly does he make first move or do you
 Julie we both knew it was going to happen we had dinner before
  me: ok so you and he arrange ot meet each other in NYC in Feb 2005 - after keeping in touch by email etc
And he takes you to dinner right
 Julie: it wasn’t like the first time we were meeting i saw him times before but we never did it or did anything
 me: ok
 Julie: yes i meet him at a restaurant
 me: so now feelings have grown more intense
Julie: yes
 me: and had you made up your mind to have sex with him this time
 Julie: oh yes i brought condoms and all
 me: wow Ok so you really wanted this
 Julie: yes
 me: hum  ok. so did you explicitly say anything to him
 Julie: not really. i don’t remember
 me: ok so you do go back to hotel
 Julie: yes
 me: and enter room then what
Julie: i told him i brought condoms and he laughed
 me: did he take you in his arms and kiss you
 Julie: and then he showed me the view in the room
 me: what?????????? ok
 Julie: and then we made out
 me: on sofa or bed
 Julie: on bed we had a small room
 me: kk so did he like start to strip you some shirt bra etc
 Julie: it was mutual nothing special
 me: you took his clothes off first
 Julie: i don’t remember
Julie: i think we helped each other
 me: ok so did you like take his underpants off or did he
 Julie: i think i took them down
 me: and did you take his prick in your mouth then
 Julie: maybe
 me: and suck on him
 Julie: i really don’t remember everything
 me: maybe? Ok. and he goes between your legs
Julie: yes
me: and panties are off by now
 Julie: he ate me out first
 me: yes
 Julie: i had a thong on
 me: and you were like totally over the top. did he take thong off of you
 Julie: yes
me: better that anything you have ever experienced
 Julie: it was ok
 me: and you felt really good
 Julie: i was still tight
 me: good
 Julie: i was mostly nervous
 me: your hole  oh ok but liked it and him'
 Julie: i didn’t really have anything to compare it to.  Yes liked it and him
me: and did he nibble your clit
 Julie: umm not sure
 me: and tongue fuck you
 Julie: don’t think he did that. i think he just licked
 me: so he must be really hard by now did you put condom on him
 Julie: yes  yes
 me: and then he gets between your legs (did he lift them up?)
 Julie: no he did not do that
1me: oh but you were very wet
 Julie: i don’t remember at that time i did not know a girl gets wet
 me: and he put his prick inside you - slowly or one thrust
Julie: slow
 me: and felt ok
 Julie: it hurt
 me: oh
 Julie: but was ok I knew it would. i was technically a virgin [sic]
 me: only had done it hat once with ski guy???
 Julie: yes only had done it once
 me: so does he go slowly or fast in and out of you? Does it get more comfortable?
 Julie: he does it slowly
 me: um and for you this is a pretty defining moment BC this is someone you love it is not some experiment
 Julie: ha the band is playing the 27th of March at Symphony Hall
me: what????? his
 Julie: and at the Blue Note in NYC right after that
 me: wait are we still in middle of the fuck or what
 Julie: hahah ok fine. it was slow. he knew what he was dealing with
me: you
 Julie: as he was climaxing he went a little faster it was good but it hurt me
 me: is he making you happy Julz
 Julie: bc i was way tight -  yes he made me happy. i was still nervous around him
 me: yes did he take long tome to cum - was it too long for you
 Julie: no was not too long
1me: so after he came what? did he hold you tight
 Julie: yes we cuddled
 me: did you sleep
Julie: yes
 me: and did you stay the night
 Julie: yes
 me: and you did it many times
 Julie: i had a dorm so did not have to answer to mommy.  um no. then in the morning
 me: yes  what in the morning
 Julie: we did it again
 me: only twice
 Julie: ya
me: did he try and fuck your ass?
Julie: yes
me: did he then?
Julie: no did not work
 me: um did you blow him that night -  bj
 Julie: um i think i just sucked him but he did not cum that way
 me: only inside you
 Julie: yes
me: so you must have been so so happy and content you had consummated with your lover - with someone you really really loved very deeply
Julie: yes
 me: when did you do it again?
 Julie: what do you mean?
 me: did you see much of him now? after this night and morning when did you tow hook up again for sex
 Julie: no we broke up
 me: was he in town
  WHAT????  only after this
 Julie: yes he we talked for like a week then did not hear from him
 me: yes for 3 months
 Julie: yes
 me: oh so sorry so what were you thinking feeling
 Julie: he would have called me and made an effort i probably would not have started with Eli (much older chap she took up with after Howard )
 me: yes
Julie: that he was a shit. i hated him. Could not reach him. and i called 3 times
 me: at all
 Julie: and i said that i would not call anymore until he called me
 me: did you have cell for him
  Julie: and he didn’t call me until like July
 me: and what did he say then
 Julie: like nothing happened
me: really
 Julie: then i called him out on it
 me: no excuse
 Julie: and he said that he wanted me to explore college and people my own age, which was why he did not call me. but this was all bull shit. bc when he called me he wanted to get back together. but he hurt me too much i never felt the same for him ever
me: kk. ok lets drop this one
 Julie: its ok then when Hurricane Katrina hit he lost some of his stuff but not all and the band was traveling to raise money bc they couldn’t go back bc no one would go to their shows so they came to NYC and the trip before that the planes lost all their luggage so Howard called and asked if he could stay with me bc they didn’t book hotels for anyone. and i said sure. and we slept in the same bed but i did not touch him he tried to with me. but i would not let him near me. i was disgusted. I ended up sleeping on the floor bc he wouldn’t stop touching me
Julie: i mean i think he had good intentions and i don’t think he meant to hurt me but it was just the way he presented it that was wrong
 Julie: yes we talked about it too whatever it is dead and gone

 Julie:  bc he wanted me to get through school. but we did talk about it

  and living together and having to deal with him traveling

SADLY THE STORY SHE TOLD ME HERE WAS NOT UNTYPICAL OF HER MANY FUTILE RELATIONSHIPS - I OFTEN WONDERED WHERE THE FAULT LAY - IN HER OR THE OTHER...

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